Postcards from American social studies class

It has been a month since I pulled my son out of Czech school mid-week and put him in an American online elementary school. It’s been a month of complete reorientation. I even feel like I have jet lag.

Our living room now looks like a homeschooler lives here. We aren’t technically allowed to homeschool because of Czech authorities, but we have been able to enroll in an American online school, thanks to technology that has only existed for a few years. And even with school online the physical environment is starting to look different.

Now we are surrounded by three US maps (two of them in puzzle form), a daily schedule on the wall, science projects involving balloons, makeshift beakers and lots of rocks, a writing lab and color-coded notebooks with big bold labels in English. This isn’t how Czechs do school. My son’s previous school room had piles of identical gray notebooks—six or more per class—a couple of textbooks and nothing with color or three dimensions.

Image by Arie Farnam

Image by Arie Farnam

In other rooms of the house, I am packing and stacking boxes. I came here twenty-two years ago with a single backpack, a laptop and equipment to make a documentary film. In a few months, I’ll be going back. One acquires things in twenty-two years—important things… and people. I’ll be heading back with two kids and about ten large boxes full of books, clothes, special dishes, candle-making equipment, herbalist paraphernalia, children’s toys, board games and much smaller electronics.

I’ll still be leaving behind a lot of value—the huge wooden table my Egyptian carpenter friend made for me, my antique sewing machine, my house, my garden, my animals, a husband. This isn’t all celebration. There is a lot of loss and heartache.

This morning I realized for the first time that we will technically meet the definition of refugees. We are leaving because of community harassment and particularly racially motivated physical and psychological attacks on my son, from which authorities refuse to protect us.

Sure, unlike most refugees, we actually have a pre-set safe harbor to go to. We have citizenship and an apartment already waiting, But still… this isn’t how I ever imagined going home.

The ever-intensifying Covid lockdowns here leave us in a limbo where we might as well have already crossed the ocean. A thick blanket of fine sifted snow has fallen and the temperature has been well below freezing.

We haven’t seen neighbors even poke their noses out of doors in days. But we are out and about, feeding animals, sledding, snowboarding, skating on a nearby pond and shoveling snow. It’s a wonderfully quiet and blissfully unthreatening world for a change with only the sounds of neighborhood dogs and a few engines down on the county road.

Our trans-Atlantic transition has already begun. I’ve got the measuring cups out and we’ve been baking—preparing for a world of cups, ounces, pounds, quarts, gallons, feet and inches. My son is justifiably confused.

“Why, Mama, why do Americans do this? Centimeters are lots easier!”

Oh honey, you have no idea.

The complexity isn’t just in units of measure by a long shot. Europeans don’t study fractions much, which are mostly a consequence of weird American units of measure.

And did you know that European and American cursive handwriting differ significantly? No wonder I haven’t been able to read handwriting for the past twenty years! I thought my eyes were just getting worse. But as it turns out, almost all the capital letters are different and many of the lower-case letters are quite different.

Of course, there is the whole language thing. I didn’t get out of home teaching by going for American school, even if the online teachers do actually teach concepts. My son needs vocabulary help roughly every two and a half minutes, and that definitely includes math class.

The most foreign class though is social studies. Czechs do have a somewhat similar class. It is called “homeland studies,” and is completely nationally focused. In fourth grade, American social studies is quite similar actually—just with information about a different country. A few concepts, like how to read an elevation map, are transferable, but all the facts are, of course, different.

Before enrolling in American school, my son could just barely find the United States on a world map, primarily because “Grandma lives there.” (Not to mention a passel of cousins.) But that’s as far as his knowledge of America went—to my dismay. I thought I’d done a half-way decent job, importing hundreds of American children’s books over the years, many of them about American history or regional cultures. But apparently my son assumed these were every bit as much fantasy as the fairytales and let them go in one ear and out the other.

The social studies teacher in our new school is also the weakest of the teachers, in terms of teaching style and even knowledge base. He’s a middle-aged guy from Ohio named Todd, and I was warned by reviewers that this school has a conservative bent.

But even so, I was disturbed when the first lesson was on the hemispheres of the earth and the teacher insisted that the earth has four hemispheres—northeast, northwest, southeast and southwest. “Hemi-sphere” means “half of a ball.” You can’t have four halves of one ball.

Next, the teacher just goofed. He was trying to explain to the kids how landforms have an impact on weather patterns. One of the simplest examples of this comes from my home turf in Eastern Oregon, where the Cascade Mountains block the wet sea air from the Pacific Ocean to the west and force it to rise, cool and dump all of its moisture before continuing on to the eastern part of the state. That’s why Eastern Oregon and Washington are mostly desert.

But Todd from Ohio got his mountain ranges mixed up and insisted that it is the Rocky Mountains that block the wet air from the Pacific, despite the fact that the Rockies don’t really start until you get into Idaho. And he put it on the unit exam.

But those things are non-controversial, just mistakes, that in reality any teacher makes. We just don’t usually have to teach our classes with parents looking in, analyzing and rewinding the video recording to harp on every little thing. So, I wrote to Todd and told him about the issue gently and I don’t hold it against him. (Well, the bit about the earth’s hemispheres counts against him maybe just a smidgen.)

But the real trouble started in the unit titled “Who are Americans?”

First, the teacher proclaimed that all Americans are immigrants. He made a point of calling out any Native American kids watching and specifically denigrating anyone who says Native Americans are not immigrants. He explained the archeological land bridge theory, though he neglected to mention that this is our best guess as to how Native Americans got there. Mostly it was his tone that was irritating at this point.

But then he made a point of insisting that those first migrating humans or pre-humans were also immigrants and thus “all Americans come from immigrants.” First of all, this isn’t technically correct. “Immigration” describes the movement of specific persons from one inhabited country to another inhabited country. An immigrant goes “in” among those already there and does it during their own lifetime.

The people who crossed the land bridge, if that is indeed how it happened, were not immigrants. They were nomads. They didn’t make the trip all in one lifetime. It took many generations. They didn’t go to live in another country. They just slowly moved around and eventually found themselves on a different continent.

Now, I’m not Native American and I don’t know if Native Americans care whether or not they are considered to be the descendants of immigrants or not. But I do care about the evident reason Todd was making this assertion—to prepare kids to believe that Europeans had every bit as much right to the land of North America as Native Americans did back in the 1400s. That’s a problem.

If that were true any invader could just declare themselves immigrants to any country and might would always make right.

Furthermore, If Todd were right about all Americans being immigrants, it would mean that Europe is a continent of immigrants too… and Asia and Australia as well. The only continent with any claim to having indigenous people would be Africa and all humans would either have to be considered indigenous Africans or African diaspora of various time periods. That is clearly unhelpful and not the meaning of the concepts involved.

This is where the fundamental building blocks of a vast social misunderstandings start—at least some of them. Conservatives in the US have long complained that teaching the facts of US history constitutes the shaming of the white portion of the nation. As a result, I had to learn much of this history outside school from reading and from experiences with people. The primary shame I ever felt over it was that we didn’t learn it in primary school.

This is a political ploy in the classroom. I’ve heard right-wing politicians say the same thing on TV, “we all came as immigrants and we all had the same opportunities.” It’s a comfortable falsehood to shake off uncomfortable feelings that arise from acknowledging historical and present-day injustices.

In the next unit, Todd opened up the topic of the economy of the United States. He defined “free market economics” as “a system where you can make as much money as you want. You decide how much money you will make.”

Creative Commons image by Kath B. of Flickr.com

Creative Commons image by Kath B. of Flickr.com

He never hinted that you don’t just get to say, “Oh, I’d like to make $200,000 please,” and it’s done. Well, I suppose that Todd had that option because he’s an abled white man from a privileged socio-economic background, so maybe he actually thinks that’s an option for everybody. He does point out that he chose to be a teacher, even though it doesn’t pay as much as some other things. But he never hints that not everyone gets to simply point to a dollar amount and choose their salary, as if it is an ice-cream flavor.

Next, Todd addresses America’s political system. America is “unique,” he says, because it is a democracy. He digs deeper into the idea that America is alone in being a democracy when he defines the concept of a political region as “America is a democracy, so that is a political region,” as if the border around the United States was the border around the democratic region of the world.

This, despite the fact that the fairly conservative Pew Research Center found in 2019 that more than half of the countries in the world are now democratic.

And then this morning, a whopper that left me breathless. In discussing America’s borders and neighbors, the teacher claimed that the Mexican-American war was a border dispute over which river should be the border. It was presented as a silly little argument in which the United States proved that the Rio Grande was the right border. In reality the Mexican-American war constituted a massive land-grab on the part of the Americans. It was so unjust that there were quite a few Americans who fought on the Mexican side. And when the United States won anyway, the border was moved and the USA gained 500,000 square miles of territory, increasing the nation’s size by a third. This was no minor squabble over “which river the border should follow.”

One of the ways I deal with the problems with social studies class is to supplement. I brought out the world-map puzzles and eventually my son got the idea of cardinal directions and the hemispheres of the earth. I also got a topographical map of the US. so we could study. the real positions of the mountain ranges and their effects on Eastern Oregon high desert country. And at the moment, we’re reading children’s books about the historical labor movement led by young women in textile mills for a bit of perspective on our economic system. We have books about Native American kids—both present-day and historical—as well.

But now I see the divide in American social studies education in all its glory. To be on the side of facts and history puts me in the position of sounding like I am constantly harping on some injustice or another. This isn’t the choice of those of us who care about our children understanding the real world. I am not in fact against America or focused on complaint and gloom. I don’t even think America is really any more unjust than the vast majority of countries in the world.

But when teachers strip out any sign of the injustices of the past and focus on the myth of glorious European “Founding Fathers,” it makes it hard for facts to come across as anything else.

I find myself longing for a social studies class that would just teach the facts and the story of the country and its many peoples with integrity in the first place. This was one of the reasons why I wanted to homeschool my kids early on, a dream I gave up on due to bureaucracy, special educational needs and the wishes of my children. That’s why I have all these picture and story books on historical, geographic and social matters.

To counteract the sense that even my. blog posts are often a litany of complaints in a world of unrelenting hardship and injustice, I let myself dream about the way I would teach social studies.

We’d build maps where the equator was actually in the middle of the map, rather than in the lower third. We’d sing the oceans and continents. We’d make food from various countries. We’d mix the same paints to get the various shades of brown that color all the peoples of the earth, including those of very light-brown hue. We’d read real or realistic fictional stories about children in different countries.

When we turned, as we eventually must in an American school, to a more in-depth exploration of the United States, we would first spend quite a long time on the first several thousand years of American history and study the physical regions of the country in that context. We would have to search to find child-friendly books and materials on Native American civilizations and we would study their many discoveries and the development of mature democracy in some of them.

Then we would move on to all the history that came after and the nation of immigrants that largely replaced those civilizations. We would study the stories of those immigrants, including real stories of children in those times. We would not look away from hardship, desperation or exploitation. We would see how even good intentions sometimes brought tragedy and not all intentions were good. We would look at how people in the past viewed those of other groups and how that influenced what they did.

We would look at the founding of the United States and the Constitution as significant events, but not as the all-defining, most important events they became in the social studies of my childhood. We would look at exactly who designed the Constitution and why and how they hoped it would work and what worked and what didn’t and how it has been changed and whether or not it now works better. We wouldn’t be looking for saints or devils but rather at people, who were shaped by their times and circumstances.

As we moved toward more recent history, we would have more stories of real people to work with. We’d break down myths and tell the stories with nuance. Rosa Parks would take her rightful place as a savvy, planful activist, rather than just someone who was too tired.

We would learn that there are rarely easy answers, and that while there are sometimes people with dishonorable intentions, most people throughout history took the actions that seemed right from their own perspective at that time. And yes, this would mean in the end that we would not be able to cover everything in one year, because nuance takes a little while, but we could cover it all in the end, since we wouldn’t spend every year repeating the same tired myths.

I hope—I have reason to hope from what I haver read—that there are schools in America that now teach social studies more like this. I have no illusions that we are returning to a country that is truly safer or gentler than the one we are leaving. We are simply going because we must go, due to clear and present danger, and that is the place we can find safe harbor just now.

Hope and peril at the dawn of a new epoch

Oh, the voice of Yolanda Adams singing Hallelujah!

My throat swelled and tears brimmed in the corners of my eyes. Yes, my lady, it has been a long, long night and that first pale light has come at last!

I had an extra reason to be choked up. The day of the inauguration was also the day my son started his new school. It’s still online, but it is functional. There are explanations. active teaching, smiles, help for those who struggle and clear goals—none of which were prevalent at his previous school. There is also a reasoned amount of work that he can finish without exhaustion, despair and tears.

Image via Pixabay

Image via Pixabay

In mid-December our local schools opened for ten days and the bullying problem that had been growing in June roared back with a vengeance. I don’t know if it was just that the bullies were suffering from pent-up energy due to successive lockdowns or if it was because all the sports and after school clubs are still closed, but it was worse than ever before.

There were daily attacks. One day, a boy tricked my son into letting him “see” his phone and then he whacked it repeatedly against a tree, smashing it beyond all hope of repair. Four older boys lifted my son off the ground and slammed him down on his back, leaving bruises. Others threw rocks at him as he escaped on his bike. That was just one day.

He’s the only person of color in his school and he’s a softy—a kid who wouldn’t tell me about any of this because he hates confrontation more than anything.

But I found out from friends, and it turned out that a teacher had seen some of it, so I got my son’s permission to try to find out which teacher it was. The principal refused to let me seek out the teacher though, saying, “This was ten meters off school property. It is none of our concern.”

So yeah, I was researching schools after that.

It took weeks. I can’t drive and there is no other school within transportation range. There’s no specific bussing for schools here. And the US online public schools require physical presence in the right time zones. I searched and I searched and I searched.

For weeks on end, I ran across block after block, even with online schools. I’d think I had found a solution only to find out that it required documents I don’t have or cost more than my family’s entire monthly income. We had to have an actual online accredited school because getting approval for homeschooling in the Czech Republic is a bureaucratic nightmare of at least twelve months before you can start—and that’s IF you get approved.

Finally, I found a theoretical possibility and then I had to see if it would actually pass muster with Czech educational and social service authorities. A few days of nail biting, and it is looking good, so I yanked my son out of the endless drone of mandatory make-work without waiting for the end of the semester (or even the end of the day), and started the new program immediately.

He was watching his final required session from the old school while I worked out in front of the news. That’s when I heard Adams and I felt my spirit lift. Oh my, but there are moments that speak to the soul of a nation!

Then, I got my son set up on his first math class in the new school. The lesson was on place value, something he has always struggled with—despite knowing how to do most arithmetic. “Ah well, might as well start off with a bang,” I thought, and I hopped in the shower.

As I stepped out of the shower a few minutes later, I heard a sound even sweeter than Adam’s voice. (OK, possibly a mother might be biased.) My son yelled, “Oh, cool!”

Photo by Arie Farnam

Photo by Arie Farnam

In math class!

Over a place value lesson!

He wanted to show me, still dripping in a towel. “Mama, they explain it so much better!” In the evening, he did extra math problems “for fun,” because he was so elated to have finally conquered something that had plagued him for years.

That was his first class free from four years of tyranny.

Yup, dawn is breaking.

OK, even if you loved Yolanda Adams, you might find me a bit overly optimistic here. Surely, no one can stay excited about fourth grade math for long and the feeling of fresh air in politics isn’t likely to last much longer. Joe Biden isn’t exactly a progressive dreamboat and my son’s school science curriculum on climate and weather doesn’t even mention climate change. Their “social-emotional” course is so fake (not to mention weirdly cult-like) that we had to opt out.

And beyond that, the reasons so many Americans supported an egotistical, racist maniac remain and his supporters are still out there festering—and in some cases plotting violence and hate crimes. The bullies who found school such a convenient place to take out their frustrations on my son are still out in the parks and playgrounds, and they are particularly bored during Covid restrictions.

All is not perfect.

But gods, there is nothing like a few years of things being really bad to make one appreciate the imperfect and the halfway decent.

A few days later…

A lot of people in America are mulling the opportunities—and the perils—we now face. It isn’t that we’ve come down from the glorious hope of dawn after a long night. We’ve been thinking and talking about these things all along, but now is the time we need to really take a hard look.

My focus is on progressives and more broadly people who support the Democrats, because that’s who is in my circles, who I relate to, and the ball is now in our court.

So, here are the opportunities I see before us:

  • Democrats in the federal government can now make policy. President Biden has begun it already. His initial moves about climate mitigation, immigration and Covid relief may have been partly a ploy to win the hearts of progressives, since he already got their fear-based ballots. But they were also much needed and they set a good tone.

  • Those of us who value fairer voting systems, science-based public policy and education, fact-based discourse, compassion and empathy in society, broad inclusion, protection of the vulnerable, economic justice, equitable treatment for all, and the centering of marginalized voices have a chance to be heard in the current political and media climate. For at least some weeks and maybe even a couple of years, we have an opportunity to decide what concise and clear message we want large portions of the country to hear, because the media is primed for it and there is a theoretical way for political leaders to hear it.

  • There are some who once supported Trump, who are disillusioned and are open to having civil conversation and possibly even changing their minds about a few things. OK, I make no claim to knowing how many of these there are, but I’ve seen some of them personally and seen evidence of more. Yes, some will hunker down and dig in, nursing hate and resentment. Some will just tune out and zone out. But some are open now. And IF they meet progressives who are kind, compassionate, open-minded, utterly factual, balanced and clear—some will change.

  • As vaccines proliferate and the economy rebuilds, we have the opportunity of rebuilding in our lives and communities. And with that will come opportunities for healing. I think there will be a lot of scars from the traumas of the past several years, but healing is still healing, even when it leaves scars.

But as crucial to our consideration—if not more so—are the perils we are walking right straight into:

  • We are pretty well aware that there is a danger that Biden and other mainline Democrats could squander the opportunities of this moment and either make deals where they give away the farm for a pittance or they could simply drift to the right over the next few months. This is something most progressives are pretty aware of and it appears from Biden’s early actions that he is aware we’re aware. It simply bears mention that vigilance will be necessary.

  • Similarly, many of us are aware that Trump supporters, neo-Nazis, white supremacists and climate deniers are still out there. While some of them are disheartened and likely to zone out on beer, football and consumerism, many are stewing in their resentment and hate. If we don’t deal with the reasons why people turn to hate and conspiracy theories, as well as the reasons why people become so extreme that they are willing to participate in or tacitly support violence, this is going to come back to bite us—and very likely sooner rather than later. Some of the next few issues may exacerbate this one if those go unchecked.

  • Much less discussed are the reactions to the coup attempt that could come back to haunt us even without the help of Trump supporters. The social media crackdown on Trump, his supporters and Covid-deniers in general is on a slippery slope.. I know. I get it. The rhetoric WAS harmful and it was also a serious source of stress in our lives. And as far as direct harm goes, social media companies are justified in banning repeat offenders. But banning a whole topic of discussion or some statements about scientific topics should be taken very seriously. Just because we are sure we understand what scientists are saying about Covid right at the moment doesn’t mean science doesn’t develop. Both in social media and in our off-line circles, we risk much by closing our minds to new information, contrary perspectives and questioning of authority.

  • The ACLU has blown the whistle on policy discussions about how to further crack down on the right to protest and lift surveillance and privacy protections in order to combat right-wing extremism and domestic terrorism from white supremacists. And with good reason. I am NOT supporting neo-Nazis in any way and neither is the ACLU. But the fact is that the US government has all the policy and legal tools it needed to stop the attack on the Capitol. It just chose not to use them because the attackers were white and conservative. Any new policies in this area won’t just impact those groups. They will be general policies against public protest and against people outside the mainstream organizing. The next administration may well take those policies and use them against us. This goes back to the Geneva Convention. Whatever you do, remember that it can and will be done to you.

  • Similarly, the so-called “liberal media” isn’t all that liberal on a lot of issues, but there have been a couple moments, especially around Covid, where journalists have been stepping out of objectivity and openly (as well is covertly) pushing a particular agenda. It’s all in the name of “supporting science,” but there was at least one time this past year when science didn’t support that agenda and the more progressive-friendly media actually did what Trump and his supporters accused them of doing. They bulldozed right through, using the words of scientists out of context and linking “children and super-spreaders” together again and again, despite the fact that even the most alarming studies of the pandemic show that children have a 0.5 spread ratio. By contrast, the flu has 1.2 and Covid among adults has more than 2.5. That 0.5 spread ratio is actually very low. When scientists said children CAN spread Covid, they meant just that. It is possible, though not likely. They did not mean that schools are super spreader hotbeds which should be closed while the real hotbeds, like meat packing plants, remain open. Keeping schools closed (and countless low-income parents out of work as a result) hurt the real small-people economy far more than closing certain types of workplaces, shuttering shopping beyond food and medicine and turning vegetarian for a while would have. But mostly schools have been the first to go and the last to reopen, due in no small part to the “children and super-spreaders” media ploy. Women, who bore the brunt of the home-teaching policy, were 40 percent more likely to have to give up their jobs due to Covid than men, and equity experts say women’s economic equality has been set back by decades. If this was truly the best way to fight Covid, the sacrifice may have been better accepted, but it wasn’t. In situations like this, we are at peril of using “supporting science” as a slogan without remembering that to support science means adopting a total openness to change your mind based on the evidence at hand, even if it means changing tack a few months into a crisis once the numbers are in.

  • When any group is on a roll, there is a danger of confirmation bias. We have been clamoring for a return to facts for years now, and rightly so. But now that we have the ability to spread messages and make waves, we must be extra vigilant about our own truthfulness. Some of those who spread that factually flimsy “children and super-spreaders” slogan, admitted privately that it was “an exaggeration” but justified it by saying that too many people were bucking desperately needed public-health measures—like masks and social distancing—and anything that helped scare people into compliance was justified. But here’s the rub. Eventually, a lot of people will see through an exaggeration. And many will lose trust in media outlets, in all public health advice and in science-based policy in general. Public trust is severely shaken right now. In many places, even those who were initially very compliant with Covid restrictions are now flaunting them at a time when the pandemic is at its worst, not because of exhaustion but because they have come to assume restrictions are overstated and that officials who publicly tout them will privately flaunt them. It happened. The only way to win trust back in public discourse is through extreme truthfulness that is willing to admit mistakes, explain nuance and trust that MOST people will not be idiots when something like public health advice is carefully balanced. Check the facts before you repeat what you’ve heard, don’t exaggerate and admit mistakes. The next pandemic could easily be worse. The trust and voluntary compliance of vast numbers of people is the best defense.

  • Finally, we face peril within the progressive movement itself from the demon of division and judgement. Our patience has been strained in so many ways and it shows. I’ve witnessed firsthand several (and heard of many more) examples of close friendships and family relationships broken up, not just because of the Trump versus Democrat divide, but also because of micro-differences among progressives. You think racial justice is more important than justice for LGBTQ+ people! Relationship cut. You think poor, white disabled people are underprivileged in any way comparable to black people! Not speaking anymore. You cite stats that school closures have exacerbated wealth and race inequality and have caused a surge in youth suicide instead of holding to the line that all costs are worth even one life saved from Covid! You’re worse than a Trumper! It sounds silly in black and white, but these are real divides, real relationships ruptured and deep rifts in a movement that has a tenuous chance to make some progress.

I am not a leader of anything. And I’m rather glad of that at the moment. This is a rugged time to be a progressive leader or even a Democratic elected official. There is a lot of pressure, some opportunities crying not to be missed and a whole lot of pitfalls. I’m just a scribe pointing them out.

Here’s a poem to close with.

Divide and conquer 

We find our strength in open minds.
Always did. But always will?
We could stand side by side on the line,
Democrat and progressive, leftist and anarchist.
How many times did we hammer out agreements
In late night meetings with bleary eyes?
And yet when it came to the poll booth,
Our strength became our weakness.
Spoilers and small factions kept us down,
Against the rah rah juggernaut.
If the pulpit said it, they voted it. 
End of story. End of our hopes. 
Yet the few times we tried the strong arm,
It was terrible, much too bad to think on.
So, we say our strength is in open minds.
Today the tables have turned somewhat.
For once the juggernaut has been shaken.
Is there a line of insurrection some won’t cross?
Evangelicals in bed with old-style conservatives
And Nazis riding their coattails.
We might be able to use this,
Break the juggernaut, divide and conquer.
But our strength is in open minds.
If we take up their old tools of forced unity,
The half-truths and pressure tactics,
We might get victory and still lose everything
That mattered to us at the core.
If we divide from our body those who disagree,
Or cut away the wild ones and the rebels,
We will one day find that this more than anything
Was what made us who we are.
Our strength is ever in open minds.

The spelling police and the only divide between people that actually. matters

Here’s a surreal one for the annals of social media logs. A heated discussion recently broke out in a Facebook group called Blind Penpals about typos and spelling errors in posts and the ethics of calling people out over them.

I joined this group some years ago as a way to support a social media acquaintance from Macedonia who reached out to me. She’s blind and she started this group to get more social interaction in her life. I didn’t feel the need to ask why she was isolated. Blind and visually impaired people are so often dismissed and forgotten (at best) no matter what country they live in.

The group was only a handful of people and she needed numbers to get it going. I had kids with intense needs and jobs and urban homesteading, the works. I didn’t have enough local community acceptance and still don’t, but I have never lacked for online connections and I didn’t really want a penpal. But I have enjoyed the occasional perspective from other blind and visually impaired people around the world.

PHone texting man glasses - Image via pixabay.jpg

Image via PIxabay

Thanks to the handful of Eastern Europeans who jumped in and spurred Facebook algorithms to put the group in search results, it now has 7,300 members. It’s an English-speaking group so most of those are people in the English-speaking, privileged West of the world. And thus the discussion about typos and spelling.

As my readers know, I’m a professional writer, but that doesn’t mean I never make spelling mistakes or typos. Part of this is just that I type fast and often have a kid or two yelling at me while I edit my posts. The other part is a consequence of being visually impaired.

First, I rarely read print. It is laborious, painful and slow for me to read even if the print is large. I have read out loud to my kids for eleven years because a parent reading, both the actual warm body and the warm, imperfect voice, have amazing scientifically demonstrated benefits for children, especially children who spent the first months of their lives in cold institutions without these things. But it’s a labor of love. It’s hard and I wouldn’t do it for anything less vital.

For everything else, I listen—to audiobooks, to podcasts, to text-to-speech articles, to audio descriptions of TV shows, even to voiceover on my phone.

As a result, I don’t see words over and over again like most people in today’s world. I don’t have the reinforcement of spelling and didn’t have it as a child. I routinely encounter words I want to include in a blog post that I am pretty sure I have never seen in print before. When I realize this consciously, I look them up.

But a lot of the time I don’t slow down enough to notice and I spell the way I spell. If the word is a homophone, the spellcheck doesn’t even catch it. And at other times my spelling guesses are so far off I can’t find the correct spelling even if I search online. If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while, you’ll know what I mean.

But social media is much worse than blogs. When I blog, I write in relatively quiet moments and I go through and edit at least two or three times on each post. I post only every two weeks, so I have time to do that.

But social media is an ongoing conversation. It IS my social interaction and it is that for a lot of others during the pandemic and for a lot of people with disabilities even when there isn’t a pandemic. It’s like talking to people. I do it while I’m cooking dinner, fielding kids, digging up the garden, taking a five minute break from a translating job or standing in an elevator to the doctor’s office.

I can’t see much at all on the tiny screen of a phone and I use the accessibility settings to the hilt. I dictate nearly everything into my phone and I play back what I wrote, if there’s time. There often isn’t. When you speak into a speech-recognition app, there are going to be mistakes. I’ve gotten pretty good at using the technology. I know how to enunciate to increase my chances, but errors are still going to come up.

All this applies to most of the other blind and visually impaired people in the Blind Penpals group, except many of them learned English as a second language, have less residual sight than I have, have cheaper technology or have less education. Blind people never were very good with spelling and modern speech recognition technology may have made written communication a lot faster and easier for us but it generally increased the level of errors at the same time. I wasn’t the target of the shaming this time because I was one of the better spellers in the group, but the virtual heckling of others really got under my skin.

Last year, I was harried out of the local branch of Extinction Rebellion in no small part because of my error-ridden dictated messages in the group’s coordination system. No one ever said any of my messages were actually incomprehensible, but I had several major coordinating roles and I had to do a lot of messaging back and forth with volunteers.

I want to make clear here that Extinction Rebellion is an awesome movement and most of the volunteers are the best people in the world, who made me a cake to thank me for being their coordinator and were truly appreciative and cared not one iota about typos.

But there were a few people, particularly a coordinator who came from a more privileged background than most in the group, who couldn’t stand my errors or the way my messages sounded like someone speaking, rather than the clipped abbreviations which she preferred. After months of conflict over this issue and being banned from various activities she was overseeing, I left the group entirely to preserve my health and give my family some much needed TLC.

If I’d been younger, feistier and childless I probably would have stayed and fought for inclusion and maybe saved that XR branch from the disintegration that soon followed my exit. But my kids were in crisis, my health was suffering and the attacks were giving me PTSD flashbacks from much worse social ostracism in my childhood. I chose to heal and live to fight another day. But I did take a lot of lessons with me from that experience.

One of them was that even in the best circles, there are people who snap or peck at other people for reasons that A. don’t really matter and B. are beyond the personal control of the person being attacked. It’s the root of racism, ableism and pretty much all other evil as far as I’ve ever seen.

It isn’t the differences that hurt us. It’s the intolerance of difference.

Even in current American politics, it isn’t the fact that people disagree about the best ways to counter a pandemic. It’s the hatred of those who have different opinions that is breaking families, friendships and efforts to protect the vulnerable.

Willful endangerment by hugging people in large gatherings and refusing to wear a mask in crowded places isn’t about an opinion. It’s about denigrating and antagonizing those who have different circumstances and greater concern. On the other side of the political divide, shunning and shaming anyone who asks questions or mentions new information is another manifestation of the “us versus them” paradigm..

I don’t always enter the fray on social media. After I was hounded out of the local Extinction Rebellion group, I took a nine-month break from social media and had a lot fewer arguments in general. But I also became a lot more isolated. So, I’m back now and I pick my battles, but I do choose to occasionally stand up to those pouring shame on someone while they’re down.

The recent spat over typos and spelling errors on Blind Penpals was one such instance. There were several male members with English-sounding names who repeatedly posted about the high level of English grammar and spelling in mistakes in the group. They were from what I could access on their profiles all coming from fairly privileged situations. I don’t know whether they were actually blind and visually impaired as well, but they were westerners, native English speakers, and mostly men. Their style of posting showed that they had a lot of time to devote to social media and they didn’t have a lot of survival-level pressures in their lives.

I posted a brief reply on the first post informing the person offended by the errors that many in the group are non-native English speakers, and because it is a group of blind people, many also use imperfect voice recognition technology. I fully expected that to be the end of the discussion. Instead several others piled on and there were more posts harassing and shaming members whose posts were not perfect.

What I came to in the end of that discussion is worth repeating:

The issue is not that person A has an opinion and person B has an opinion and they are different. The issue is that person A has an opinion denigrating person B and feels empowered to share it widely and publicly and person B wants to be left alone and not harassed. It is time the world woke up to this thing.

I don’t care if your opinion is different from mine as long as your opinion has no bearing on anyone but yourself. If you are troubled by someone’s imperfect typing or dictating, someone’s skin color, someone’s accent, someone’s religion, someone’s sexual orientation, someone’s gender identity or lack there of, someone’s disability or body shape, go cry into a pillow.

Expressing a negative opinion about other people is pretty much the root of all the evil in the world. There are acts of nature that hurt us, but they aren’t evil. Even Covid is just a life form, living and procreating. Evil comes in when a thinking entity denigrates another, not in defense, but just because the other makes them feel uncomfortable or requires them to exercise patience, tolerance or self-discipline.

The old saying is true after all. There are only two kinds of people in the world. There is one important divide and that is between people who attack others simply for being different, uncomfortable or inconvenient or allow others to do so without challenge and people who defend against such attacks and insist on inclusion. It’s the only divide that actually matters.

I know typos actually do sometimes cause confusion or real problems. I also know some people really want to learn to use language better. I have spent the past fifteen years teaching writing craft and English as a second language. I spend all day essentially criticizing other people’s grammar or writing and helping them make it better.

But they asked me to do it and I never shame them. I have students who make the same mistake literally hundreds of times. But they are all doing the best they can. Bad grammar or bad spelling is never simply a matter of laziness. It is often a matter of being too stressed, rushing to much, difficulty focusing and all kinds of other things.

The problems that matter are the problems caused denigrating a person or a group of people. In this world, just about everything boils down to that.

The catch is that we aren't all permanently on one side or the other of that divide. I am dismayed when people I respect fall into the trap of shaming others or judging others without having all the information. It is crucial to keep this divide in mind. It doesn’t mean never criticizing. But it does mean paying attention to whether or not the person criticized had a real choice in their situation. And it means regularly checking your own confirmation bias.

Do people who are bullied really turn into bullies?

There is a vicious, traumatizing and stigmatizing rumor going around about my son and kids like him on social media and even in the mainstream media.

I have run across the remarks and assumptions at least ten times in just the past two days, and I wasn’t looking for them or even aware that such a stereotype existed until very recently. This vicious, hateful and potentially deadly myth has it that people who were bullied as kids become bullies, anti-social adults and/or violent criminals.

A few real-life examples do exist and psychologists call them “bully-victims,” but they are far less common than the popular stereotype assumes.

Creative Commons image by Carolyn Langton

Creative Commons image by Carolyn Langton

I have recently rejoined the world of social media after a nine-month hiatus prompted partly by a serious incident of online bullying (yes, it happens with adults too) and partly by the exhaustion of homeschooling kids with special needs during successive Covid lockdowns.

And this is what I found on my return. This vicious rumor against people like my son and like me, a stereotype painting people who were bullied as potentially violent and liable to lack empathy. It’s a myth often spread even by those who previously claimed to be allies.

Maybe the myth started with an incident or incidents of violence in which the gun lobby decided to make excuses about how the shooter was once called “wimpy face” as a child and thus the quick and easy availability of semi-automatic weapons had nothing to do with it. Or maybe it was just a way of blowing off steam about empathy-impaired people during the U.S. election. Either way, it is now a pervasive stereotype.

The comments are things like an acquaintance on Facebook posting under a story about a violent police officer, “No excuse for it! He was probably bullied as a kid and this is how he takes it out on others.” Someone else referring to white supremacists as “a$$holes who were bullied in high school." And a passing reference on the television news about the need for bullying intervention to prevent “victims” from becoming mass shooters.

The overall assumption is that a direct link exists between being a target of bullying and future perpetration of violence or cruelty. And that assumption is everywhere these days to the extent that admitting you were bullied as a kid is now more likely to result in distrustful glances than support and empathy.

My first reaction was hurt and irritation, when I heard about this myth. I was a target of bullying and social ostracism as a kid because of my vision impairment, my strange-looking eyes, my secondhand clothes and my family’s alternative spirituality and lifestyle. I had a lot of strikes against me. My son just has being a member of a locally high-profile racial minority, the only non-passing representative of such in his school. But that is plenty to get a kid knocked down and chanted at by groups of bullies.

I have overcome a lot of my past, but it is still hard to see my son going through it for something equally beyond his control. And now he’s saddled with yet one more stigma. Not only is he “a young brown male” and an ESL learner, he is now categorized as a potential perpetrator of violence and cruelty in the popular imagination because of something that was done TO him.

He’s ten and he’s at the tender and naturally open age where he reminds me to include our two cats when I tell someone how many “people” are in our family. Empathy isn’t something he’s lacking.

So, the comments hurt. But then my rational brain kicks in. OK, but maybe there is some significant statistical correlation between being a target and becoming a perpetrator. I sure have had enough rage at times to be able to relate. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge people who spread this stereotype. So, I go look up the stats.

The National Bullying Prevention Center has a page on bullying statistics. While the site says as many as one in every five kids is “bullied” at some point, there are a lot of things that they call bullying. Name calling and exclusion are considered bullying along side physical attacks. Those who experience pervasive and repeated bullying are a bit more rare, but still more common than most people like to think. Kids with disabilities and those who are identifiable as belonging to a minority race or religion at a given school experience much higher rates of bullying.

There is also a section on the effects of bullying. Unsurprisingly, kids who are bullied end up with increased risk of “depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.” Kids who are both bullied and bully others are mentioned but only to note that they have increased risk of emotional and behavioral problems. So do kids who blame themselves for being bullied.

Another researcher, Tracy Vaillancourt, a professor at the University of Ottawa who focuses on “the bullying cycle,” claims that less than 10 percent of bullies can actually be considered bully-victims. Although she contributes to the stereotype somewhat by completely ignoring other bullying targets in her “cycle” theory, Vaillancourt, offers no guess, educated or otherwise, about what percent of targets actually turn into “bully-victims.”

The statistics don’t mention anything about being bullied making one more likely to bully others or more likely to become violent or anti-social in adulthood. In fact, despite a lengthy search, I could not find any study that hinted at this. Given the pervasive stereotype, the lack of any hard evidence makes me think the opposite is more likely true.

I do know from my own experience that being bullied has made me less likely to be a nice, quiet bystander who enables bullies. Hell hath no fury like getting a little light-hearted bullying in and then being hit crossways by a hurricane that was once an ostracized child.

But turn me to bully those even more vulnerable than myself? Not likely.

There was only one moment in my life where perhaps I stood on that precipice. I was huddled in an out of the way corner on a stairway during lunch in seventh grade when someone landed on top of me. I was bruised and my precious colored pencils were broken. I leapt up and grabbed the body of the intruder and started wailing away at his back with my fists. It turned out to be another bullied kid who had been thrown bodily down the stairway onto me.

I wish I could say that the two of us became friends and held out against the bullies together. I did let go of him and stop pounding on him when I heard the bullies laughing and I got a bit of a look at him. But he ran away and never went inside my short visual range again. It’s a story too often played out. Those who suffer from oppression and bullying are driven against one another to ensure that they remain powerless against their assailants.

But even in those worst years of terror and rage, I was never tempted to actually pick on someone else. There is an ingredient missing that I would have needed to make that even slightly appealing. One would have to feel that bringing someone else down or pushing them even further down would somehow raise you up. I know the theory, but none of the emotion behind it resonates. I never felt even a little tempted.

My son was in a tussle in preschool in which a friend grabbed a toy from him and he pushed the other boy. The boy lost his balance and fell over a bench and onto a pile of legos, which scraped his back. Because my son was the only child of color in the preschool and a member of a very controversial group in our area, some of the teachers and parents immediately labeled my son as a dangerous. There was even a petition to have him expelled, which failed without our intervention because there were also honest teachers who reported that my son was no more disruptive or violent than any of the other boys.

Since then, he has been the target of bullying by older boys in school, but otherwise he hasn’t been involved with fighting at school. I believe that after his experiences, he wouldn’t participate in bullying or harassing another kid.

I can’t be so sure that he would have the confidence to stand up to bullies on his own behalf or on behalf of another. Unlike me, my son has the temperament to be a follower or a bystander, but he also is the kind of kid to quickly empathize with another human or creature.

He is now in the period of childhood in which superheroes play a large role. He loves to fantasize about being a hero and stopping the bad guys. In our discussions and in our choices of bedtime reading, the topic is often real historical heroes who fought to protect the vulnerable.

I am not worried that my son may become a bully because he has been bullied. I do worry that he may follow others into unhealthy habits, including exclusion of others, because of his temperament and eager desire to make peace and be part of the group. But this is something that has been part of his nature since long before racist adults went after him in preschool.

Whether it is my tendency toward quick anger or his bent to go along with the crowd, neither of these are a result of. our experiences as targets of bullying, but rather natural characteristics which come from temperament. In the end, it is empathy that prevents people from becoming a bully and lack of empathy that may cause someone to become a bully.

There are actually life experiences which can impair a person’s empathy. Extreme rejection of a child by family, complete isolation from human contact and being raised in an institutional environment have all been linked to dysfunctions of empathy.

Even though I know some experiences can lead to disruption of empathy, I would not willingly participate in labeling those who have suffered such terrible abuse. Where there is real concern the focus must be on healing. The one thing science knows about redressing an actual dysfunction in empathy is that the only treatment is lots more empathy.

But there isn’t even a real concern when it comes to a link between targets of bullying and the perpetration of violence and bullying. There is no such link. Perpetuating such a stereotype is nothing more than piling on with the bullies to rain more blows down on vulnerable kids and the survivors they become.

Please stop it. Don’t make statements based on such an assumption. Don’t joke about it. Don’t speculate based on this stereotype. It does real harm.

Post election blues over seeing red

Please forgive my mixing of puns. It isn’t that I don’t take this seriously. My nerves are as frayed as those of many of my readers. But coming up with a title that wouldn’t drive my readers away screaming wasn’t easy.

A title is supposed to tell you why you should read a particular post, but it is often hard to put into a catchy phrase. Why look back at this messy and painful election? Why dwell on a future that is still uncertain? Trump lost. Sometimes that feels like the only thing that matters.

But this really was a vote about the soul of the nation. And we’ve got to look at that soul, once it’s bared. Otherwise, we’ll end up having to go through the same painful things again and again and again. That’s why I didn’t give in to the strong temptation to write about herbs instead. So, bear with me if you are in need of some steadying or even if you just want a space to bounce your thoughts off of.

We finally got a moment of celebration, but it is likely to be very brief. I hear and read people all across America and in other countries marveling that so many American voters were still willing to vote for that uncouth, hateful and psychologically unhealthy man. We were all well aware that he still had supporters, but it seemed like many people had dropped their support for him.

It doesn’t surprise me that fundamentalist Christians didn’t change their tune, regardless of their posturing about “character” and “values” when it comes to other politicians. It doesn’t even surprise me that some Hispanic voters went for Trump. It is time America realized that this is a very diverse group of citizens with widely differing interests. And the Democrats did take them for granted and ignore them after all.

But what both surprises and dismays me is the gains Trump made among white women. I stand stunned. What could possibly possess more than half of white female voters to support a man who has made his opinion that women are objects and only valuable if they please men very clear? How could MORE of these women support him this time after having to endure his sewage-mouth for so long?

It’s been through a battle and the war ain’t over.  Creative Commons image by John M. Cropper

It’s been through a battle and the war ain’t over. Creative Commons image by John M. Cropper

This is part of the sickness we have found in the nation’s soul. One of the ways I try to comprehend this soul is by reading Christian bloggers to get a perspective that is definitely outside my bubble. One of those I read on occasion is Kieth Giles, who grew up in a right-wing, white Christian environment in Texas. He’s made the mental trip across the big divide in America and while I still may not agree with him on lots of things, his perspective on what makes Republican voters tick is invaluable.

“Republican Christians tend to care about the unborn, the traditional family, and the right to bear arms,” he wrote in a recent post. “Therefore, they vote for Republican candidates who at least ‘say’ they care about overturning abortion laws, defending traditional definitions of marriage [anti-gay marriage, etc.], and protecting the Second Amendment.”

Add to this that many right-wing, white Christians have been surrounded by a highly charged bubble of constant media messaging on these three topics and what you have is a deeply passionate response. They don’t just care about abortion. They are torn apart by the thought of innocent babies being killed. They don’t just dislike the idea of gay sex, they fervently believe that traditional families are the last defenders of all that is good in this messed up world. And feeling under threat, they truly fear gun snatchers.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard any of this, but it is maybe the first time I’ve sat down and taken a good hard look at the emotions behind it. I always kind of figured that anti-abortion activists didn’t really care about the babies. They just cared about controlling what they see as “loose women.” They cared about punishing those they saw as breaking religious purity laws. That was what I believed.

But what this election and its fallout are telling us is that the leaders may have started the movement that way. The pundits who push the propaganda may be coming from that cynical perspective, but many white women are buying the message about protecting babies on a deep and emotional level.

The same goes for the issue of the “traditional family.” Now, I really don’t doubt that there is an element of hate mongering going on here. A lot of people have gotten caught up in the us-and-them game. People who abide by gender norms are on one side and those who don’t are on the other. Just like with sports teams, a lot of people can get whipped up into a frenzy of antagonism over something that doesn’t need to take over a person’s identity. But what I am seeing now is that there is also a deeper emotional element.

We can all relate to the root emotion—the overwhelming anxiety over the troubles in our world. Whether you are focused on climate change, pervasive racism, vast inequity and the finite nature of the earth’s resources or the loss of authentic opportunities, disconnection from spirit, fractious tribalism, endless consumerism or the addictive pitfalls of substances and entertainment, the world really looks like it’s going to hell in a hand basket a good share of the time. Our biggest differences aren’t usually in what we think the problems are but in what we think the solutions are.

Many women have subscribed to the idea that family is the one good thing in all that mess. Despite any unpleasantness, micro-aggressions, suppression of spirit or acrimony in family life, it is still the one thing we can really hang on to. My mother and I recently came to the same conclusion in one of our long, meandering discussions on life, politics and the meaning of the universe. So, we aren’t really that far away from these women either.

But the Trump supporting women have absorbed a worldview that narrows family to a very traditional model. And given the threatening pressures from outside and that sense that family is our only real haven, their attachment to that traditional view of family is authentically passionate.

How exactly that leads them to enthusiastically support Trump, rather than supporting him with the kind of resigned frustration that so many progressives feel for the Democrats, I can’t say. That is a mystery the Christian bloggers have yet to reveal.

I have tried my damnedest to be understanding in all this. I’m not writing people off as hateful and authoritarian just because their primary issues have to do with things that seem at first glance to be mainly about limiting someone else’s autonomy, whether that’s the ability of women to make crucial life choices or the rights of everyone to form loving relationships in the way that is most natural for them. I’m making the effort to see the heart behind these stances.

And I still find the soul of the nation in peril.

I will allow that a moral, thinking person can feel strongly about protecting babies or saving the traditional family. But in either case, Donald Trump doesn’t look like a choice to promote those causes. His actions are about as much for the traditional family as a gay stripper might be. And he clearly is happy to endanger the lives of immigrant babies.

Guns? Well, I guess it is legit to say he isn’t out to snatch the guns of rural and suburban white folks. But I have a hard time seeing defending one’s guns as an issue with heart.

Now pundits ask us to “come together” and heal the divide in our country. That would be a lot easier if the other side had concerns that were not focused on controlling or harming other people. The common ground isn’t there, because that is a deal breaker for most of us.

There is one thing I think we can find comfort in, despite the lack of a clear “blue wave” in the election. There was a sand bar in the way.

What this election showed about America, yet again, was that the majority has always been far more progressive than the politicians. And the political status quo is maintained by several anti-democratic mechanisms. One is the winner-take-all voting system where everyone has to vote for one of two major candidates or have their vote effectively turned against their interests. Another is the Senate system that gives preference to states with low population and thus primarily to rural, conservative states.

And most egregiously there is the Electoral College which was specifically designed to protect the institution of slavery and prejudice elections in favor of rural, conservative voters at the expense of urban, progressive voters.

Among my English-as-a-second-language students are adult professionals from the Czech Republic who mostly came of age around the time of the Velvet Revolution, when young activists overthrew the totalitarian Communist regime. They believed that America was the guiding light of democracy and now they come to me confused. Their Czech-language media has started to describe the US Electoral College for the first time and they are alarmed.

“How did the American election system get broken?” they ask.

“It didn’t,” I explain. “It’s working exactly the way it was meant to.”

I give them a history lesson—with grammar and pronunciation points in English to make sure class time is used well. The Electoral College is working just as it did two hundred years ago to extend the lifetime of the American slavery system far past the time when slavery was abandoned by Canada, Britain and Western Europe. It achieved this by weighting votes to give greater voice to rural conservatives. And it is still doing that today.

The fact is that a lot of people still voted for Trump, but more than four million more voted for Biden, a lack-luster candidate if there ever was one. In any country with a modern democracy it would not have been considered a close race. It might not have been a blue wave, but that also might be because of the artificial sandbars set up to make sure we never see a blue wave and the widespread voter suppression that acted as a flood break.

On Tuesday, November 10, I finally received my mail-in ballot for the 2020 election. I usually receive my ballot a month earlier than that and receive it automatically. This time new voter suppression rules by the Trump administration meant that I had to specifically request my ballot in the summer. Then, the Trump administration sabotaged the US Post Office so that even though my county elections office mailed the ballot two months ago, it still arrived a week after it had to be physically back in Oregon five thousand miles away.

This is voter suppression at work. It isn’t generally considered “election fraud” but it is fraud’s sneakier cousin.

I was lucky. I got caught up in only the fringes of voter suppression efforts and my county office was ready and eager to help. They had a backup system to allow me to vote via email and even though it took specific attention to a single voter, they made it possible for me to cast my vote legally and securely. But the point is that I was certainly not the only one hit by voter suppression measures and in many cases that cost Biden and Congressional Democrats votes, because these measures were made to impact groups that were expected to vote against Trump.

People in other western democracies look at the images of Americans waiting in line for hours with masks and umbrellas to vote in the United States and they shake their heads in bewildered sympathy. That is the kind of treatment voters get in Belarus. That is how regimes behave when they know the voters are not their friends.

So, despite the fact that I am disappointed and even ashamed that 55 percent of white women voted for Trump… again, I know that the soul of the nation is still there. It is tattered and torn from way too many battles, but despite a rigged, weighted voting system and voter suppression directed at voters expected to be less than enthusiastic for Trump, such as people who use mail-in ballots, we’re still here.

Sea change

Old folks who live by the sea talk about the "sea change." Visitors note how the water is at dramatically different levels morning, noon and night. Some may even get out charts and calculate when high or low tides will come. But only those who have spent their lives by the sea and in close communion with it can sense the change from rising to ebbing tide without such charts.

It's like a solstice when the sun stops its daily drift toward the southern horizon, appears to hold steady for three days and then moves incrementally back up the sky. None of the changes seem that dramatic in the moment, but the change in the tilt of the planet or in the tide is actually massive.

The tide comes in--huge volumes of water rise unstoppably--and then in a moment between one identical wave and the next... it stops. You can't see the switch from the beach. You wouldn't be able to tell for another hour, unless you're an old salt. But the sea has changed.

In that moment, the tide stopped coming in and the moon subtly began to pull it from the depths of space, so that it is receding. 

Sea change - massive change that appears incremental and inconsequential, that cannot be perceived in a short period of time, but in the end, is profound.

Scientists warn us that climate change is like that. We don't know exactly when our burning of fossil fuels and release of methane into the atmosphere will trigger the shift of some massive system into an unstoppable slide toward a vastly different world that may well be either unimaginably hot or brutally cold, depending on which shift is triggered. 

October every four years feels a bit like that too as votes trickle in and the tide of popular opinion is measured. But especially this time. While we fear the sea change of the climate, we desperately hope for this other one. So many small actions of resistance have gone into it, building up over the past two years toward desperately needed change.

Stones cairn ocean breauty spirit - via Pixabay.jpg

Image via Pixabay

And in the end what really matters is not Trump but the shift in the hearts and minds of the nation. Even if that did not determine the outcome of the election, a shift toward empathy and science is really what is most needed.

This year I'm also undergoing a personal sea change. A path I set out on thirty years ago is ending or at least dramatically changing. The tide that carried me far from my childhood home is shifting back, drawing me back to the mountains of Eastern Oregon. And yet at the moment nothing much seems to be happening on the outside.

I am caught at that moment of shift, at the lowest ebb of the tide. The force that used to pull me away from my home and family has slackened and I feel a deep tide begin to tug me back. But I'm not moving yet. There is too much momentum to my life—a house, a garden, family, people, work, stuff, animals... It has all been headed in one direction for a long, long time and this place still demands me for another season.

But the shift has come. The decision has been made.

I am going back to Oregon. I will likely make the first part of the move sometime next summer. I have a provisional place to live and a rudimentary plan for how to survive materially. That’s the shift, having a feasible plan.

Why? I’ve decided this just before yet another election in which many of my fellow citizens are vowing that if things go badly they are really leaving the country this time. And I am going back.

I suppose the election could derail that. If violence really does break out in some massive way, I may not be able to come so soon. But the pull has shifted. My life is now pulling me back there, while for at least thirty years I was pulled out into other countries.

The reasons have many different levels. On one level, my kids need the change.

The schools in the Czech Republic, and particularly in our little town here, have proved disastrously inadequate. The curriculum is uninspired and guaranteed to deaden all curiosity and interest in learning. The teachers are indifferent to their craft. Some are more than happy to take advantage of the Covid crisis in order to flagrantly neglect their students. There certainly is little help for kids with the complex special needs my kids acquired with their difficult start in life.

Beyond the schools, the entire society here is hostile to my kids because of their Romani ancestry. I had hoped that our family could compensate for that, and we do to a large degree. Some Romani children might have been resilient enough to hold their heads up and find a positive identity despite the bigotry and negative stereotypes surrounding them in society. But these children have too many other struggles and that resilience has taken a beating. They need a society where they are at least not public enemy number one from birth.

The US is far from perfect on race and ethnicity issues. Many people will likely think I’m naive or worse in this part of the decision. But the fact is that while black and brown people in America encounter terrible prejudice, danger and hostility on a daily basis, people with olive skin and striking dark eyes are not the main focus of that bigotry. Here in the Czech Republic, they are. If my kids’ ancestry was African, I might well be making the opposite choice.

They will no doubt have to struggle in America—being non-white kids with English as a second language after all. But all things together, they’ll stand a better chance.

As for me, I need the change too. I started out well in this country twenty-five years ago. As a young, healthy, up-and-coming journalist able to live on next to nothing, this place took me in and let me flourish. The tight public transportation network was exactly what a young blind professional needed. The booming cosmopolitan atmosphere of the 1990s resonated in my soul.

But I’ve taken a few major hits over the years. The vibrant world of journalism I came here for disappeared after 9/11 due to economic and political circumstances. Prague’s scene changed and became more harsh and polarized. I had health trouble and am no longer the physical powerhouse I once was.

More than anything, my life shifted from the city to a small town and in fifteen years of trying I have failed to be truly accepted by that town. Pulling up my roots in the town of Mnichovice is the easiest part of this shift. I’ll simply have to tell the school my kids are transferring and say goodbye to exactly five pleasant acquaintances. That’s it. Not much to show for fifteen years of attempts to participate in community life and make friends.

Leaving my physical home and garden is the hardest part. When things were tough and my professional, social and community efforts were thwarted at every turn, I channeled my energy into my home and garden. And that effort has born delightful fruit.

Despite a cold, north-facing slope at a northern latitude, I have managed to sculpt it into a little paradise with greenhouses, herb gardens, a sauna, animals I love and a home specifically designed for the needs of a visually impaired person. I will likely never have that level of physical beauty and comfort in a home again.

It’s also likely the beginning of the end of my marriage. My husband agrees that the children desperately need this move and that I have been unfairly isolated and ostracized by the community here because of my vision impairment, but he cannot and does not want to leave himself. His professional work isn’t transferable and he has never had any interest in living anywhere else. He doesn’t like the United States that much, and because he isn’t a citizen, it would be a major struggle to get the papers for him to be able to live there.

So the partnership that started with practical necessity, fun late-night discussions and mutual respect may well end with a similar lack of fireworks. Or maybe it will endure in some transformed, long-distance state, but it is no longer the strong bond that held me here for so many years.

This fall the few last cords binding me firmly to this place snapped and when they gave way the weaker bonds went with very little resistance. Now I feel that giddy weightlessness like. you do at the end of the arc of a swing with a very long chain.

Wheeee!!! For a moment, you feel utterly free.

But I know that this is only a momentary illusion, a dizzy moment. There is another place waiting to pull me back and its pull has been strong for years already. Now without the momentum of something else to pull me away and with the needs of my children clearly pulling that direction, I will be coming home at last.

I hope that my sea change will coincide with a long awaited sea change for the whole world and for the United States specifically. I hope that we’ll look back on 2020 as the year people finally stopped ignoring climate change and a critical mass of people became willing to change business as usual in order to avoid catastrophe for future generations.

I hope that 2020 will not only mark the removal of Trump from office but the beginning of a long swing in the opposite direction, toward science-based policy, earth-centered economics, inclusive society and human solidarity. It’s all up to a shift in the hearts and thoughtful consideration of many people.

Getting the ballot to the box

What does voter suppression look like?

As most of my readers know, I've never been a good party-line holder. Not of any party and least of all the Democrats. I told them flat out after the debacle of the 2016 primary that I was pulling my primary registration and giving it to whoever showed a backbone.

The staffer on the phone, sighed and said, "Yeah, I get it." And in his tone of voice I heard that he probably really did. I'm not a good party member, but I don't judge people for making their own call. 

Volunteers for the Democrats kept calling me anyway and around about early August this year I was glad they did. "Send in a form to request your ballot," one of them told me.

"But I'm registered and we've had mail-in ballots forever in Oregon. They just send it to me automatically," I protested.

"Not this year. There's trouble with ballots. Fill out the form." 

So, I did. I may not be a good soldier on the party line, but we are on the same battle field and at the moment headed in the same direction. I appreciated the heads-up.

And it came none to soon. My ballot did not show up in September as it used to. By the first week in October, I had to wonder. So, I called the county clerk. Sure enough, they had sent my ballot three weeks earlier in response to the request form, but it never arrived.

Not only that but the county worker told me the rules have changed. No one cares about your postmark anymore. The ballot has to be in the box at the county by November 3 or it's all over. And my ballot already had less time to make the return trip than it had taken to get to my remote location.

Creative Commons image from the Milwaukee Teachers' Education Association photostream

Creative Commons image from the Milwaukee Teachers' Education Association photostream

Another volunteer from the Democrats called again. "Did you do it?"

"Yup. But I've got a problem," I told them.

This year the usual machinations around voting have become cut-throat, they tell me. Everything before was like child's play. Now everyone's dead serious and the lengths some will go to in order to keep people from voting are shocking. 

In just my situation, there was the unannounced rule that you have to request a ballot months in advance. Then there is the intentional crippling of the postal service, resulting in major delays. And finally, if you somehow manage to get your ballot, you have to get it back on a timeline you can't control or it's all for nothing.

I'm not even one of the people who has to take unpaid leave and stand in line for hours in the midst of a pandemic. I'm not even in danger of having my ID questioned or my registration pulled because my name shares three letters with that of a convicted felon. 

My husband, shakes his head, observing from the comfortable distance of a European. "Those lines..." he says. "You see lines like that in countries like Belarus, when they actually let people vote. You never see people waiting in line to vote in normal countries. It's just the countries with questionable democracies and... the States." He paused long before finishing. 

I had been telling him for a long time that there is trouble in American democracy, but I think this was actually something that shook him a little. 

This year of all years, there is more voter suppression in the US than anyone has seen before. Pundits on TV say that this is because Trump and his people know he can't possibly win if everyone votes. 

Voting is suddenly harder than ever and it has never mattered more than it does now.

One rainy afternoon, I lie on the couch with my ten-year-old son listening to a radio program. They play a clip of Trump telling white supremacists and neo-Nazis to "stand back and stand by" in that ominous way he did. 

My son, who is a dark-eyed, olive-skinned naturalized American, shudders and raises up on an elbow, fixing me with his round pools of serious soul. "Mama, I don't think we should go to America. It's too dangerous." 

We are, in fact, more than considering moving back to the mountain valley of my birth--for better special education services for the kids and for the cohesion of local community. I don't blame my son for being nervous. He may not even realize that he could specifically be a target of those racists, but he knows well enough that our little family always stands out with unmatching skin tones, a blind mother and a lot of free thinking. 

Like most, I can't guarantee the safety of my children. I can't personally hold a line and be sure they will be protected. But this vote does matter. My ballot may not matter any more than it has before--one card in a sea of paper--but if I'm feeling the pinch, so are a lot of others.

The Republicans have attempted to suppress the vote among people of color for generations. The reason is clear enough. While a few people in such areas might vote for them, the statistics are clear. Most people in diverse and disadvantaged areas vote for the "anyone but the Republican" candidate. Not to put to fine a point on it but it really isn't accurate to say they habitually "vote Democratic." 

The same holds true for civilian voters abroad. I wonder if overseas military bases are awash in voting options. They might be. It likely depends on the stats, though I know quite a few soldiers who have seen a thing or two of the world and are ready for change. But it doesn't take a sociologist to figure out that overseas civilian voters are going to vote for "anyone but..." 

That's likely why the hammer has come down and my ballot is AWOL. 

And more importantly, that means a lot of other ballots are AWOL, as the volunteer on the phone confirmed. There are also statistics showing that Democrats vote by mail far more often than Republicans, hence the dismantling of the postal service and attacks on mail-in ballots in general.

Oregon does supposedly have the option of email voting, which I've never tried, so I go back to the county clerk's office and ask if I can do it that way. Finally, after two months of persistence, I get a ballot. It's via email and it doesn't look much like the ballots I'm used to but it's the best shot I have. 

I spare a moment of thanks for the staff of our county clerk's office, who logged multiple emails and phone calls over one ballot, and the Democratic party volunteers, who are working like their lives depend on it. 

I'm sick with an intestinal parasite and my son is going back on Covid lockdown as his school is closing tomorrow. I can barely get out of bed but I"m going to get through the paperwork for the email ballot. This is the time we have to fight for our votes. 

And I'm also adding my voice to the rising warning about voter suppression. Get your votes in early. Make sure you're still registered the way you thought you were. Make sure you've got your ballot. Take no chances. There are no done deals. If enough people can be prevented from voting, anything can happen. 

Blessings from my hearth to yours. May you be warm, safe and well. 

Hair, identity, ageism and a pinch of joy

My mother tells me that she cut my long, wispy, ultra-tangly, white-blonde hair when I was five years old. Being a highly-opinionated and strong-willed child, I apparently screamed at her in a rage. She never did that again.

Eventually, I let her trim the split ends off of my wild mop of hair as a teenager, but I was highly sensitive to how much it was cut. I’m not sure where exactly I got this relationship to my hair.

I think part of it came from my family’s counterculture identity, which I clung to desperately. I was viciously rejected by kids in the small-town school I attended, because of my strange, wiggly, near-sighted eyes and my inability to adopt the subservient, non-centered role that might have won me pity rather than aggression. One of my reactions to that was to brandish my family’s counterculture identity like a shield, possibly as a way to beg the question: Was I really rejected because of something individual to me or was it a consequence of the clash of tribes?

This is me at a hippie-gathering c. 1979

This is me at a hippie-gathering c. 1979

And hair was part of that clash. The men in our family didn’t cut their hair when I was little as a statement of rebellion. My father and older brother both had long, lustrous locks, both thicker and much more easily brushed than mine. My father’s was a a rich, sun-streaked oak brown. My brother’s was golden as a cherub’s. My much thinner, flimsier and frizzier hair was bleached so nearly white that doctors speculated that my vision problems might be related to albinism, though I wasn’t a real albino.

The issue of girls’ hair was not nearly as culturally sensitive. Some girls in our circle did have short hair, often shorter than the boys. But somehow it stuck in my mind that long hair was part of family and clan unity, something I desperately needed.

That is why I had very long, very light hair as a young adult, a feature that stood out wherever I went, and particularly when I traveled in places where black hair was in the majority. It was, in fact, an ice breaker that gained me friendly hospitality in far flung places on more than one occasion.

One of my favorite memories is when I sat on the edge of a massive cliff in front of a Nepali village in the morning to brush my hair and thus attracted a gaggle of young women, who gathered around me with their own brushes and combed one another’s hair and my hair while the sun came up over the Himalayas in a dazzle of warm pastels.

By then, I knew that I had been right as a child. My long hair was an asset that I should never cut. It was finicky and difficult though. Brushing it was often a chore and washing it with the standard, commercial shampoos and conditioners I could afford was a recipe for pain, frustration and a lot of breakage.

I certainly never dyed it. Not only was its color firmly engrained in my identity as well, I was also afraid of what the harsh chemicals in hair dye would do to my already fragile and precarious hair.

Over the years, my white-blonde hair turned a bit darker, with dirty-looking streaks underneath. Sunlight still bleached the upper layer and no matter what hairstyle I tried, it always frizzed out around my face, making me look a bit like a mad scientist and acquiring terrible tangles. It looked best when left down in long, flowing locks, but given how fine and fly-away it was, the slightest breeze or any movement on my part resulted in a tangle that would take an hour or more to brush and leave me with fist-fulls of broken hair that progressively thinned what I had.

Eventually, I discovered through trial and error that the only brush that will handle my hair both gently and thoroughly is an afro pick. White people usually don’t know what exactly these are supposed to be for, so they just assume that’s what I like. Black people tend to give me confused (or sometimes amused) looks. My hair is about as different from African hair as it is possible to get, but that’s simply the only thing that works well.

Finally, in my late thirties my hair started going gray. As with the dark streaks it didn’t go gray in any decent way, just in unsightly patches. One year, I thought my hair was all going to fall out because even with the picks and expensive hair products, I ended up with ever larger fistfuls of fallen and broken hair when I brushed.

And that was around the time when I noticed that strangers started treating me differently. I’ve always gotten some strange looks from people on the street, especially if I don’t carry a white cane as explanation for my strange-looking eyes and my occasional odd way of walking or peering at objects. But this change was different.

When I was younger, everyone from officials to shop-keepers usually defaulted to kindness toward me, often condescendingly so, if they realized I was mostly blind. Still, in a wide variety of cultures, I had generally positive experiences with people I had never met before once I was out of the bullying ring of school. The issue of being actual friends with a blind person was always a different matter, but interactions were pleasant enough when they remained on an anonymous surface level.

Here I am teaching ESL classes in a remote mountain cabin in the Czech Republic in 2016

Here’s my hair while I’m teaching ESL classes in a remote mountain cabin in the Czech Republic in 2016

That started to change in my late thirties. People in positions of authority are less likely to have mercy on me. Random strangers are less likely to stop and answer kindly if I ask for directions. Shop assistants are less likely to willingly help me. It feels as if I somehow lost a bit of my white privilege. That has made me wonder if I used to pass as abled a lot more than I thought. Maybe it is perceived abled privilege I lost. But I also see another possibility.

I think it’s ageism. The changes correlated exactly with the graying of my hair and the roughening of my face. And it tends to be a lot worse when I am not wearing a hat. So, there’s that.

Last year, when I was part of climate change protests and we had several of our own photographers taking thousands of pictures, I noted that although the core group was only about thirty people of which I was one of the most active, there was not one picture that showed my face in our database after several months. Every other person in the group was pictured many times.

Most of the people in the group were young. This is climate activism after all. But the few older men were seen in pictures. And two other women over forty were also in pictures, though not very often. Their hair was dyed and you couldn’t readily see their age.

But I was invisible. I was too busy to notice for many months until I was browsing the photo archives for an article, and the complete lack was striking enough to stand out.

That’s what I’ve been told happens to older women. After a certain age, you disappear.

I have never been very vain or hung up on appearances in general. My mother also says that when I was fourteen I told her I couldn’t believe people actually cared that much about visual first impressions. Since I couldn’t see such things and objective measures show first impressions to be misleading, I couldn’t imagine how it could be that important.

I did dress up for job interviews and wear professional clothing to work, but I saw this as more of a uniform than a ploy to make good first impressions. It was my positive attitude, skills and intellect I counted on to get me through doors. And for awhile, that worked.

I was fortunate enough to have a face that more fashion-conscious women told me didn’t desperately need makeup. I was young and healthy. and I did have that striking hair. So, until I started to age, doors were generally open to me.

That was another thing that closed down hard and fast in my mid-thirties. I can get tutoring jobs. I guess teachers are allowed to look old. I can get the occasional online writing gig where the image of my face is never considered. But I can’t get any other kind of job no matter how well my qualifications fit.

And networking to get ahead… Not a chance. That’s all about first impressions. I know that now.

Picking black berries in autumn color

Picking black berries in autumn color

A few years back I acquired a tutoring student who is a country manager at a major hair-care company. And she often commented on options for my hair and brought me samples of the company’s products. These helped to slow the shedding and breakage of my hair. And she introduced me to the idea of using natural henna and other herbs to dye my hair.

At first, the whole idea of dying my hair was disturbing. The color was almost as much a part of my identity. as the length. But somewhere, deep down, I had always had a desire for red hair, since the days when my idol was the cartoon of the Strawberry Shortcake doll and my primary imaginary friend in looked like her.

Then there was my long love-affair with Anne of Green Gables as a.teen in a household that only got educational television. One way or another, in my generation blonde was sort of considered “desirable” but at the same time blondes were ridiculed. Red-heads seemed to be somehow outside the rules of fashion and usually both strong and independent.

And of course, the main shade henna does is red.

But the hair-care manager insisted that this kind of natural hair dying could only be done at a salon with complicated methods and equipment. That was a step too far. Even if it weren’t an extravagant expense, I’m a DYI kind of girl. So, I still hesitated—until a red-headed friend from the Bohemian highlands told me that she colors the gray spots in her own hair with henna and that it is possible to do alone.

So, finally I found a source of a completely herbal hair dye and tried it. The first shade I used barely gave my hair a gold tint. So, I went for one that promised a much darker red than I initially wanted. The result was perfect, just the shade of strawberry blonde I had always wanted.

Here’s my new look.

Here’s my new look.

I dyed my hair one sunny early autumn day when I was at home alone and waited to see what my husband would say about it. He was actually struck speechless for a moment and then showed uncertainty and concern. Had I done something rash again that would have negative social consequences? My son was equally disconcerted.

Finally, I found a few people online who liked my new color, but the response wasn’t unanimous, except from my ESL class of older women. They were all enthusiastic and their delight looked genuine enough.

But the thing that really let me know it is a good thing is that I can’t help smiling every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I haven’t enjoyed looking at myself at all in years, and I don’t think I ever actually felt good about my appearance. In some ways that’s enough for me.

So, I’ve learned that appearances do matter much more than reason dictates. I’ve found out what happens when people just don’t like the look of someone and what happens when a woman crosses the boundary into looking old.

I don’t like it and I see the dismissal of older women as a key component of our society’s patriarchal disease, but I have also accepted that it is our current reality. And I’ve realized a long-held, somewhat frivolous wish.

Am I buying in to the patriarchy by coloring my hair and hiding my gray? Some may think so. It causes me a twinge, but the joy I feel at having this one little bit of vanity for the first time outweighs it. I would have felt the same joy even if my hair wasn’t gray, but I didn’t know about or have access to a healthy hair dye in those years.

I hope you are likewise able to fulfill a wish every now and then (even one that is important to your heart). Fulfilling a wish beyond that necessary for survival gives joy in this time of Covid-19. Use these changes, whatever they may be in your circumstances to try something you always wanted to.

Keep your convictions strong. Keep openness and care for those who are cast out. After all, we are the ones who become the change..