Samhain at our house with songs and Grandfather Deer cookies

Samhain wasn't always my favorite holiday. It isn't easy to embrace death as part of the natural cycle. I don’t subscribe to any particular literal interpretation about what happens after we die but I do know that the spirits, energies or something of our ancestors is left and does play a role in our lives. I don’t feel like this is a scary thing. I get more comfort from it than anything else and this is what I would like to teach my children – the connection to and recognition of ancestors that gives comfort and strength. So, this is what Samhain is to us. 

I have two children ages 3 and 5 as well as a husband who wavers between being Pagan and atheist, depending on his mood. I enjoy the magic of childhood, so I embrace myths like Santa Claus. In fact, my children were so entranced by the story of Grandfather Deer visiting on Samhain in the book Circle Round that Grandfather Deer has taken to visiting us and delivering small gifts to children on the night of Samhain. Especially as they get older these will tend to be gifts with some spiritual connection or connection to ancestors.

Here are some ideas for what a family with small children can do to celebrate this Pagan holiday. This is what we do. We aren't Wiccan or anything specific. We are eclectic Pagans and I adapt a lot of things from the book Circle Round. 

Crafts and Cooking

We made a jack-o-lantern that we will leave outside and lit on Samhain to guide the spirits on the night when the veil between worlds is thin.

We went on a walk and collected pine cones and colorful leaves, and I made a fall wreath with the materials and a circle of willow switches left over from making dream catchers. A glue gun is truly a wonderful tool!

We made gingerbread cookies in the shapes of jack-o-lanterns, boys and girls, deer and elk and crescent moons. Then, we painted them with a bread-of-the-dead-type icing made with orange juice and powdered sugar. The deer and elk cookies were inspired by a children’s bedtime story in the book Circle Round, which tells how “Grandfather Deer” (a representation of the old horned god of ancient European Pagans) comes to lead one on a dream journey on Samhain to the Land of Youth, where children can play in the everlasting sun with gentle and supportive ancestor spirits for that one night.)

We painted color-diffusing leaf shapes in fall colors to hang on the wall.

Songs

First we sang Ring Around the Pumpkin for a few days as part of our regular morning singing and circle games.

Ring around the pumpkin
Pocket full of nuts
Leaves! Leaves!
They all fall down!

I thought it sounded silly when I read about it but the kids loved it and loved inserting “Hop around the pumpkin” or “Stomp” or “Tiptoe” or “Dance”. We did it first on the day we got our carving pumpkin and we put it in the middle still uncut. This may have helped to get the kids excited and after that they insisted that I make a pumpkin picture to put in the middle of the circle, because our jack-o-lantern had to stay outside for safety’s sake.

Then, Shaye kept asking me again and again why there is snow and why the leaves are falling off the trees and why we have Samhain. I explained all of these things in one way or another, more or less scientifically, until I finally made up this little ditty to the tune of “Are You Sleeping” in order to give a quick answer. And she loved it and has stopped bugging me, which I did not really expect.

Samhain is coming. (2x)
The Earth must rest. (2x)
The ancestors are calling. (2x)
We give thanks. (2x)

Children laughing (2x)
Red leaves falling (2x)
It’s time for trick-or-treating (2x)
On Samhain night. (2x)

Salt and apples (2x)
I leave tonight (2x)
For the grandfather deer (2x)
Who keeps me safe. (2x)

As popular as these songs were with the preschool set, neither really did it for me. Especially when the topic is spirits and ancestors, I hunger for something a bit more… well, spiritual. So, walking back through the woods with Marik, after dropping Shaye off at preschool I made up this song to the tune of “Michael Rows the Boat Ashore”. It works well if you draw out the first syllable of the element mentioned in the even lines.

Listen to the ancestors’ call,
Hush in the wind.
Listen to the ancestors call,
Song in the water.

Listen to the ancestors call,
Dark of the earth.
Listen to the ancestors’ call,
Dance of the flame.

Fun and Ritual

This year Samhain will be a bit hectic for us because we are crossing the Atlantic to be with my family in Oregon and will likely have extreme jetlag. But we will still hope to dress up and go out for a little trick-or-treating. I am not thrilled with it, given my older child's extreme sensitivities to food coloring and other things in mainstream candy but it is nice to have a purpose for dressing up, which is simply too fun for children to forgo.

I’m not overly fond of the gruesome or horrific aspects of Halloween. I think these were made up to make Pagan beliefs seem evil and frightening. Instead, I focus on dressing up that is simply fun or perhaps dressing up in the garb of people in history, our ancestors.

The flying several thousand miles and dressing up does tend to put a crimp in my plans for more spiritual rituals involving children, because the kids will be completely exhausted. So, we'll keep it very simple, I’ll help the kids make a “mute supper” of apples, salt and a few of our cookies to put out by the jack-o-lantern, which we’ll light.  In the morning the children will find their Samhain gifts where they left the food. I have decided to spread out gift giving, so that the children will get only one gift at Yule but they will get one at other times of the year as well, though they may not be large or expensive. This is primarily in hopes of reducing stress for everyone concerned but I also like to spread around the sense of magic.

The idea of giving gifts to children on Samhain comes from the assumption that children are closer to the spirits, because they were born only recently. Thus, giving gifts or sweets to small children is a way of giving gifts to the ancestors as well. 

Either in the evening or in the morning, depending on when the children are able to participate, we have a short, fun activity to mark the renewal of the year. We open up the back door to say goodbye to the old year and then run to the front door to welcome the new year with noise makers and a song. We might also sing a more generic song such as:

Round and round the earth is turning.
Always turning round to morning
And from morning round to night.

I hope to hold a more involved Samhain ritual for adults when the children are asleep, including purifying thehouse and specifically our i-Ching and Tarot materials, runes and elements symbols. At home in the Czech Republic, the wall behind our family alter is covered with picture-symbols for the various groups and cultures of ancestors represented in our household. So, there are Celtic, Slavic, Norse, Romani and Hindu symbols as well as symbols specifically remembering the women who struggled through conflict and pain to give us life and remembering those who held Pagan beliefs but had to hide them for a variety of reasons. These are all on little circles that are on a black velvety background around a triple moon symbol.

The ritual usually includes carrying the light from our family alter to an earth alter in the stone circle behind our house. We burn slips of paper with qualities and problems that we would like to leave behind, and we will leave an offering of food, water, fire and sage. We end with asking our ancestors for protection of our home. In the morning we light our special alter candles again and call in particular blessings or qualities we wish for the next year or make Samhain resolutions.  We renew energy protections on our house by smudging and sprinkling salt at entrances and windows.