Five skills that are more important than "a good attitude"

I sometimes like to rant about the insensitive questions people ask about disabilities or blindness. But there is one question I recently got on an international forum, which is actually a good question that often gets bad answers:

What skills are most important for a disabled person to have? 

Creative commons image by Andrea Pavanello, Milano

Some people may take offense at this because the question somehow implies that disabled people don't have the skills that other people have, but let's take it a different way. What skills are most important for a city kid to have? What skills are most important for a farm hand to have? Now it doesn't seem so threatening after all. You don't have to see disability as a terrible lack of something in order to see that it is a specific life situation. So, is there a specific skill set needed to "do disability well," just as there are specific skills for living in the city or the country?

So, it wasn't the question that bothered me this time. It was the answers. I don't even know if the answers were given by disabled people or non-disabled people, but I have my suspicions. Almost all answers focused on attitudes or temperament traits such as "persistence" and "a good attitude." 

The question wasn't inherently problematic but it got some disturbing answers. They were primarily moralistic and aimed at traits that make someone a "pleasant and socially acceptable disabled person."

Creative commons image by vedic-words

So, it got me thinking. What if I was a parent of a kid with a disability? What skills would I want my child to learn? I've heard my own mom talk about the angst involved. Every mother wants the best for their kid. I was recently also given this question personally by someone who's grandfather was swiftly losing his sight. And even though I may get some argument from disabled people who could justifiably say that the field is too broad and there are no skills that are specifically necessary to all of us, I think I can answer this question better than the preachers of "how to be a nice disabled person."

I'll focus on skills or tools that A. can be learned and B. are essential to thriving as a disabled person in today's society.

1. The ability to create text quickly: For most this will mean learning to type. This is the primary vehicle to being able to articulate needs, deal with authorities and stand up for one's self in today's world. If you want to have a hope of advocating for yourself, this is primary. I grew up legally blind and writing by hand was a major struggle. When I was a child I went from being a C student to a straight A student in one year. The intervention was that a wise teacher intensively taught me to type. Many disabilities don't entail difficulties writing by hand but still the ability to type pays dividends.
2. Access and the ability to navigate the internet: This is both a skill and a tool. I have seen a lot of people with disabilities essentially dis-empowered through lack of access. The internet has it's evils but in terms of dealing with the inevitable social and physical issues of a disability, internet access and skills are key.
3. An understanding of social and legal systems: I suppose everyone needs to understand the mechanisms of our society, how bureaucracies work and how to work with people. But it is particularly crucial to people with any sort of disability because of the need to advocate and figure out alternative options for everyday things. Some people are naturally good at this. Others have to consciously learn it.  
4. Social skills as a tool: I hesitate to put this in here because "social skills" is term of rhetoric  often thrown at disabled people by those who have too much judgment. But there is some truth underneath the slime. The first thing to emphasize is that social skills do not make you a "better" person or more acceptable or get you more friends. Many, if not most, people will ignore people with disabilities, many dismiss or shun them, some will openly harass them, Whether or not the person with a disability has good "social skills" matters. It will change the dynamic by about 10 percent. Ten percent fewer people will shun or ostracize a person with a disability who exhibits good social skills. BUT the message that people with disabilities are routinely given is that, if they would just perfect their smile or their posture, they would be accepted. And that's a lie. Many people with disabilities spend a huge proportion of their time and energy trying to perfect these things in order to "be good enough" when the truth is that for most of society we will never "be good enough." That said, social skills are a key to success for disabled people because when you're dealing with official structures, schools, employers, landlords, media... all the people you encounter when advocating for yourself, social skills make a lot more than that ten-percent difference seen in purely social encounters.  
5. Permission to not be normal: When discussing social skills in the previous point, it must be emphasized at every turn that these are skills, not a way of being. I attended a lot of programs and summer camps for disabled kids when I was a child and I saw the huge gap between those who tried to "be normal" and those who just lived their own lives. I've seen disabled people who can't walk across a room or cover their basic daily needs because they keep trying to do it the way most people do. Many interventions for disabled people essentially hinge on trying to make you appear normal from the outside. But this is often a trap. Yes, you need "social skills" in one hand but in the other hand you need your permission to not be normal, to do what you need to do--even if that means handling your silverware with your teeth. You live with the body you have, not the body you don't have. This can mean that you attract some social judgement at times for not abiding by some social standards. But it's the difference between living your life vs. living to please others.

I'm sure there are plenty of essential skills I've missed. I'd love to hear from you. What skills serve a person best in today's world? Even if they aren't general to all types of disability, what are your favorite life hacks?  What would you advise someone newly disabled to learn|? Please comment using the comment button on the lower left and share this post with your friends using the button on the lower right.