When you're watching a blind person, you may think that not tripping is difficult or not running into things. However, those things are not usually that difficult for a blind person. I'm currently writing a blind character into one of my books and finding the experience of describing in detail the experiences of what is difficult and what is actually not that big of a deal to be enlightening even to me.

Creative Commons image by Angus of Flickr.com

I would like to open up this topic because blind and visually impaired people are often grabbed and pulled or dragged someplace in public places and it can be a bit dangerous (not to mention that it is unnecessary, rude and unpleasant). On the other hand there are some things that are indeed very difficult for visually impaired and blind people and I never see these things mentioned in society as things that people should be aware of.

I don't mean any of this as criticism of sighted people. There are good reasons why sighted people don't always understand how living long-term with a vision impairment or blindness is very different from wearing a blindfold. My goal is simply to give some helpful information that will save you a lot of confusion when interacting with blind people.

Here are some of the things that are classically difficult specifically for visually impaired people:

Pretending to make eye contact: Many blind and visually impaired people take lessons to be able to fake eye contact. It can be done, but it is always a difficult task. If a legally blind person looks at your eyes it is because they have made a conscious choice to expend energy to make you feel comfortable. Blind people try to fake eye contact in order to gain social acceptance, but the irony is that those of us who are moderately successful at it are sometimes accused of faking our blindness or people forget that we can't recognize them.

How you can help visually impaired friends: Recognize that making eye contact is difficult. Don't criticize those who haven't mastered it or belittle the difficulties of those who have. It is like saying please and thank you in a foreign language when you're travelling... except even harder. It is a courtesy we try to learn in order to be polite to sighted people and it takes effort for us.

Recognizing friends: There are many people who I have known for years whose names I do not know. Some of them would probably be deeply hurt to discover that I don't recognize them in person. I have heard sighted people say many times that I "should be able to recognize voices." First, recognizing voices is more difficult than most sighted people think, especially to those of us without much musical talent. Second, I often recognize a person's voice after several meetings, but the person doesn't then reintroduce themself at the time when I have learned to recognize their voice, so they continue to be nameless until I can match up their voice to someone I know on email or Facebook through some good old detective work.

How you can help visually impaired friends: While it is usually a good idea to ask before you help a person with any kind of disability, this is one accommodation I recommend friends make even before they ask. It can be very socially awkward for a blind person to ask and I have been rebuffed rudely often when I did ask for someone's name again, so many blind people will simply remain silent and confused about who they are talking to. Please say, "Hi Arie, it's..." and add your name, when you meet a visually impaired friend named Arie. If you live with the visually impaired person in one house or apartment they probably do recognize your voice, but beyond that their ability to recognize you will vary widely. Some newly blind people can't recognize anyone and really struggle. If you are worried that you are being patronizing by introducing yourself ask, "Do you want me to tell you who I am?" rather than as some of my acquaintances have demanded at times, "Do you even know who I am?" Don't be offended if your close friend doesn't recognize your voice. Some voices are easier than others to recognize and this really has nothing to do with how dearly your friend holds you. If your blind friend says, "Oh, you don't have to tell me that," or something similar, then it's okay to stop introducing yourself.

Creative Commons image by European Board of Students

Hearing people introduce themselves in a group and then being able to recognize them later: I dread conferences, workshops, summer camps, parent meetings at my kids' preschool and professional meetings. Either there is a quick round of names once (often at the beginning of a whole series of meetings) or there are name tags. Either way, everyone else is operating in a known environment and I am utterly lost. If it is difficult to recognize the voices of friends, it's impossible to recognize voices in a group based on one quick introduction. I have worked in an office for months where everyone knew everyone's name except me. Because everyone was solidly introduced int he beginning, it was assumed that everyone knew everyone else's name and coworkers were clearly offended if I admitted that I couldn't recognize them. So, after a few mortifying experiences, I spent weeks carefully stepping around the issue of names until I could recognize people by their voices, offices and roles. Then I spent more weeks conducting my own private investigations to figure out who belonged to which name.

How to help visually impaired friends: First and foremost, please reintroduce yourself if you are in a group situation with a blind person. Not every time you turn around perhaps, but if you come to ask the blind colleague a question or discuss a specific issue. If your friend is blind or visually impaired and you work together or attend an event together, ask if you can help by whispering who is who for the first couple of days. Offer this as a volunteer if you see a blind person in a conference or workshop you attend. I can't emphasize enough what an incredible gift this would be to give someone, even if it was only occasional help. The fact that you may not know everyone's name either isn't important.

Not being startled: This is not such a big one for me personally because I'm not totally blind and I very rarely fail to hear someone nearby. But I have heard many blind people say that they are often unpleasantly startled by someone touching them or speaking close to their ear all of the sudden. I am not sure where the impulse comes from but I have observed that well-meaning people will often approach a blind person to ask if they can help and first they will reach out to lay a gentle hand on the person's arm, possibly in an instinctual hope that this will announce their presence better than using their voice. Unfortunately, this impulse is wrong. Blind people are used to integrating surprising new sounds and will have a much easier and more pleasant experience if you speak first and refrain from touching them at all.

How you can help blind friends: Don't touch a blind person without asking. Particularly never grab a blind person from behind and push him or her where you think they want or need to go. This can be very disorienting and dangerous as well as rude and unpleasant for the person involved. Especially near traffic or trains it is important not to interrupt a blind person's orientation. Instead, if you approach a blind person speak normally and let them know who you are. Avoid shouting and if you are concerned that your voice may startle them, you can always cough or rustle your clothing.

Finding objects someone else touched and put back in the same place... well, only six inches away: If you live or work with a blind or visually impaired person, it is important to agree on a system of organization. It is extremely difficult for a visually impaired person to find objects that another person moves and you would be utterly shocked at how little movement it takes. Visually impaired and blind people develop spacial memory that would surprise most sighted people. I know where hundreds of objects are very specifically located in my house. I regularly spend 30 minutes out of a busy day searching for something as simple as a basic cooking ingredient or the can opener because my husband moved it. After 15 years of marriage one might think he'd be used to it but he still "puts things back" only in the general vicinity of where they are supposed to be. Let's not even talk about how difficult it is when someone didn't put the matches, scissors, salt, etc back at all.

How you can help blind family members, roommates and coworkers: Discuss and agree on where common objects belong and then put them back exactly where they go. If the blind person has their own items rather than sharing them, which is common, ask before borrowing them and return them in person so that the blind person can put them back themselves. If you are giving a document or important object to a blind family member or colleague, specifically say, "Here is the .... for you," and put it in their hands. I can't count the times my husband and I have lost important small documents or flash drives and then he protested, "But I put it on the table right in front of you on Sunday night!"

Shopping: I hate shopping off-line. I know visually impaired and blind people who say they love it. I suspect them of being a little masochistic, but maybe they just have secrets I haven't learned yet. That wall of items with flashy prices and endless packaging is daunting at the best of times. I have to bring any object I want to see up to be two inches from my face and this makes the process of searching for cooking, craft and school supplies very slow and tedious.

How you can help blind friends: Recommend good online stories or help a friend without great technical skills to set up an account and shop online. Help setting up online shopping accounts (and the text-to-speech programs to use them) would be a great gift for older people who are newly visually impaired.)

Participating in a conversation with more than one other person: This is a surprising issue. In fact, for many years I didn't realize that conversation in a group is easier for sighted people. I only knew that I am much more able to express myself in a one-on-one conversation and that I often got in trouble for interrupting when I had no intention to do so. There are a lot of communication cues that are visual. Supposedly 90 percent of communication is visual, according to scientists. And it seems visual communication is particularly important in groups. When I'm in a conversation with more than two other people, I often feel somewhat out of phase. I either dominate the conversation by having a set leadership role or I can't get a word in at all. There is no middle ground. Whenever I hear a pause and start to speak, I find that I'm speaking over someone else without meaning to.

How you can help blind friends: This is a tough one because I don't know enough about how the visual communication among sighted people works. Perhaps the most important thing you can do is to be aware of this issue and take into consideration that your blind friend who is very quiet probably isn't actually nearly as quiet as he or she seems. Many blind people will avoid interrupting others to the point that they rarely participate at all in group conversations. It's possible that simply being aware of this will change your subconscious communication signals so that others in a group give a blind person more opportunity to participate without anxiety as well.)

Making friends in a new place: How do people make friends in a new school, town or workplace? Well, often they are part of a class or work with others, but that doesn't make a friendship. It's when they make eye contact and smile that a real conversation starts. Without the visual cues, most of these friendships just never start.

Eleven years ago my husband and I moved to a new town. It was one of many new places for me and I was excited about the opportunities to make new friends. But within a few months I saw the same old pattern repeat itself. I would make a good connection with someone at the community center or at my child's toddler class and almost think we were going to be friends. But then after a few days or weeks the relationship would go sour and the acquaintance would stop saying hello to me.

Finally, after I had been in town a few years, I was in a group of women at the local community center and the topic of moving to a new place and making friends came up. One of the other mentioned that she "knew" I was very private and aloof and didn't really want to be friends with people. Nothing was further from the truth and I said so. The woman explained that when women come into the community center they make eye contact and smile at those who they have met before. And I didn't do that.

I understood then some of what had been going on with my many false starts in new places. I don't do the interplay of visual signals well, and yet I don't look blind because my mobility skills are so good, that people easily forget. The women still did not understand that day, even though I was holding a white cane.

How you can help blind friends, neighbors and coworkers: If you are already friends with a blind person, you can help by pointing out who is who in community situations. If you have a blind neighbor or coworker who you don't know, try to overcome your natural and well-intentioned blocks when it comes to visual communication. You may have the feeling that a blind person is aloof but this is rarely the case. It is simply an instinctive response sighted people have to the way blind people look. Strike up a conversation, reintroduce yourself when you meet again and be aware that some blind people are very socially isolated and may almost be confused by your friendliness in the beginning.

Having someone show you how to do something, especially on a computer screen: It is almost impossible for a sighted person to describe each step of a physical task or operation on a computer with words. Very often someone helpful sits down to "show" me how to do something, when they know full well that I can't see the screen. Still they say they will tell me the steps, but they don't say everything. It is nearly impossible for a sighted person to remember to say ever movement. The only way to "show" me how to do something is to have me do it and to verbally guide me through it. I'm one of the least blind of the legally blind and there is no way in the world I can look over someone's shoulder and see a computer screen.

How you can help blind friends: If you want to show a blind person how to do a task, whether it's a physical task or a computer issue, give them the tools or the keyboard and tell them the steps that need to be done as they do them. If they go wrong correct them. This may seem slow and cumbersome at first but it will actually go much faster than the alternative.

Getting a ride / surviving in the United States with almost no public transportation: One of the biggest issues for visually impaired people is transportation. I am often told by sighted friends that I should just get a ride to the places I want to go. And yet even before I had children I could almost never get a ride with friends. My family members drove me most places or I simply didn't go. Now that I have children getting a ride for me and two kids with car seats is seriously impossible. That is one reason that I now live in Central Europe now where we have good trains and buses. I also have a husband who can drive, which helps with the logistics. But I still meet many visually impaired people who have no transportation and when I visit the US I am immediately without the ability to run basic errands or visit friends.

How you can help blind friends and family members: Primarily remember that this is a big issue. If you feel like you wish you could help so and so who is blind and you haven't given them a ride this week... well, it's kind of obvious. Figure out when you are going toward the store or other places they need to go. If they work or study in the direction where you are going, ask if it would be helpful. Even if you aren't going to the exact same place, perhaps you are going someplace where they can get public transit. Blind people are used to constantly calculating transportation routes, so just mention any options you have and they'll be able to figure it out.

Creative Commons image by Braille Institute

If you look back at this list, you will see that everything here has to do with either social interaction or dealing with modern society. While I am sure that there are physical challengers for blind and visually impaired people in more natural environments, I don't find them to be as critical in the long term. People who are newly visually impaired often struggle with orientation, getting around and physical tasks like cooking and gardening. But these things can be learned and overcome by the individual. Guide dogs can be of immeasurable help to some in the physical arena. But it is in the social world that blindness becomes a true disability.

That's why I've included notes on how you can help blind friends, neighbors, coworkers, family members and roommates. Many sighted people have an instinctual fear of losing their vision and believe that being blind would be a terrible fate. Physically I don't think it is nearly as terrible as many would make it out to be. But it is a significant disability today, primarily because of the social implications. And social simply means "among people." That means that is where the difficulties are but also where the solutions lie.

On a lighter note there are quite a few things that are relatively easy for blind people to do that might surprise a lot of sighted people, such as:

1. Washing dishes
2. Cooking (as long as no one moves any tools or spices)
3. Riding a bike/horse
4. Cutting things with sharp implements
5. Sewing
6. Computer work
7. Fixing things with your hands
8. Most sports
9. Backpacking in the wilderness
10. Reading how someone else is feeling
11. Telling when someone is lying (faces lie more than voices)
12. Organizational stuff and giving detailed directions or instructions. If you really want good directions, ask a blind person who knows the way.
13. Remembering a zillion things--where I put things, how many steps up to the office, how many steps before you turn into Joe's office, where all my files are, etc.
14. Parenting (Okay, not easy but it's never easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and a lot of sighted people agree. But it is very possible for blind people to do.)
15. Travelling internationally